Of blogs and hogs

Lol. Yes people I have a blog.

Anyways was going to post this yesterday but nature, as in bedtime, called:

What is up with these trends? We have the handphone trend, the music player trend, the myspace/friendster/hi5/ringo/whateverthoseotherspacesare trends and the blog trend. Just to clarify here, I’m not against ALL of the above, but I do believe each entails a certain necessity. Like the other day, I saw a 6 year old kid with a handphone that probably costed the parents RM1500 and an iPod Video (don’t even bother to tell me how much this one costs). I’m surprised our so call epidemic of snatch thefts havent worked their way to these little kids, who are easier pickings then big fat women who will flatten you.

Incidentally, I like to call this my column, not my blog. Hm. This probably means I should change the name of my blog COLUMN. But I digress.

Ah yes. Trends. Someone mentioned (won’t name names) to me today how I got a blog because everyone has one. Well here’s my reply: Do you have an iPod (or insert equivalent) because everyone has one or because you need one? Let’s look at this myspace/friendster thing – someone tell me what is the point of having something like that. “To keep in touch with my friends”. Hmm. That’s a strange one – why not just email the person? Or call him? I wonder – how much advertising revenue do these companies get from the amount of irrational traffic on these ‘connecting’ sites? Last i remembered, Rupert Murdoch’s news corporation bought myspace for $580 million.

Give me a minute. I think I’m going to start up a new community now and put video sharing functions on it. Should be able to get a fair price of $2billion on it by next August.

Anyways, speaking about ‘irrational traffic’, Malaysians are probably the worst drivers on the road. Prepare for my one and only traffic gripe – I promise not to repeat this gripe ever despite my frustrations at the stupidity of drivers and their road hogginess.

Was on my way home from school today and we got caught in this huge traffic jam. So thinking it was caused by today being a Selangor public holiday, we queued up for quite a few minutes. Only to realise that everyone was slowing down to see a car accident. I can imagine what the first few minutes of the crash must have been for the victims. Their car is smashed and they need some help and sure enough a lot of attention comes. Pairs of eyes drive by, fingers pointing and gesturing wildly in their cars. Makes you wonder who the first person to stop will be. I wonder, if the Malaysian police propped up partitions around the scene, whether people will still stop to try to see through the opaque partition to the what-must-be-an-accident-scene behind.

Still, this wasnt the worst incident ever. Me and my brother got stuck in a traffic jam for nearly an hour once. Just to find out that it was due to a bus breakdown. Of course, you would think that being a bus breakdown, that would have limited the number of lanes on the road. Except that the bus which had broken down had stopped in the emergency lane (incidentally, this lane which should be left free for emergencies, hence the name ’emergency lane’, are just used by Malaysian drivers during traffic jams at rush hour, probably because they’re in an ’emergency’ to get home). Thus meaning that all the lanes on the road were free! Sheer idiocy. Makes my blood boil. This dearth of road proficiency and courtesy is probably down to all that “duit kopi” being passed around at the JPJ:

“Hi. I’m really lousy at driving but I need my license so that I can help clog up our already very busy roads with my idiotic road hogging driving skills” *passes money to invigilator*

“OK. Berhenti di sini. Saya akan memandu untuk awak.” (Ok. Stop here. I’ll drive for you)


*Both get out of car and swap places. The invigilator then drives the student back to the center, after which they swap places and the student finishes with her parking (
although i question whether they even learn how to park, looking at how horrendous people are when it comes to parking judgment)*

“Sangat baik. Saya beri kamu markah penuh. Ambil lesen kamu minggu hadapan” (Very good. I’ll give you full marks. Come collect your license next week)

Here’s how that scene will look like in twenty years.

“Hi. I’m really lousy at driving but I need my license so that I can help clog up our already very busy roads with my idiotic road hogging driving skills” *passes money to invigilator*

“OK. Berhenti di sini. Saya akan memandu untuk awak.” (Ok. Stop here. I’ll drive for you)


*Both get out of car and swap places. The invigilator then proceeds to drive the student back to the center but steers the car into the drain. Cos he bribed the invigilator 20 years ago for his license*

How do we solve the Malaysian driving conundrum? Beats me. Maybe I should just buy a tow truck and tow all these people’s cars to a scrap metal yard.


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5 responses to “Of blogs and hogs

  1. lol hilarious! i can see someone’s starting to get the hang of this.. column. so yes do post more 😛

    classic stuff.

  2. well..keep it up joellee..

  3. You’ve succumbed to it…

    sobsob,
    your brother

  4. Succumb? Lol. You own a joint blog with Ash.

  5. you brothers need to decide upon different given names so we can tell who is who..or we’ll never know. 😛

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